i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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