I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
