I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In other news, I just burned my penis
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
