Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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