He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
