I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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