Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
