and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
