Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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