so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
