oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
