College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
