I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
