I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
