Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
