I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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