What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
