So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
