glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
