so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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