I skipped work to stalk him.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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