Do you still have your period?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
