When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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