I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
