I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
