Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize