two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
