This is not my ceiling
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
