I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
