Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
