This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I AM VODKA MAN
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
