If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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