i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So vagazzling was a success
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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