The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
