Duck Duck Cougar?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
