listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
