Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
