Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
