he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
