KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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