I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
