He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
