I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
