I'm really into asian looking animals
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
