On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
