And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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