make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
