i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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