ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize