I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
