Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
