my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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