Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
