you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
