I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
