I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize