my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
