note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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