You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
