I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
