Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize