Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
