NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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