hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
