here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
