he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
