I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
