so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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