I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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