you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
