I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
