Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The uberlube is also flammable
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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