Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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