if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
