TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i will never coherently bang her
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
